It's been a long time since I last wrote here. Inspiration struck so that's why I'm here. I never thought I'd be writing here again. Haha....

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First of all, I have a 'friend' who I foresaw as who he really is and tried to accept him. However, things backfire, you know. Now, I think he's seeing me as more than a friend. I can only be just his friend nothing more, nothing less. Maybe something less if he is going to continue what I think he is doing. [No offense, but please get a hold of yourself. I really don't like where things are going. I hope you know what I am talking about. You know who you are....] *-_-*

F*ck it! I never felt so angry with myself! I think my life is gonna get f*cked! (Forgive my words, but I'm going to explode if I don't....) So many issues I'm getting involved with when I really don't want to be involved. I've never felt so depressed. Very different from what I have experienced before. I know there are people with more f*ckin problems than me but when all small problems happen at the same time, I know I'm in for a big f*ckin ride. Screw my acads. Screw my future hopes. Screw my schedules. Screw my social life. Screw my past. Screw my memory. Screw my dreams.

Can dreams come true?? I dunno. If they did, I hope that my problems will cease. What my eyes saw and see, what my ears heard and hear, what my mouth told and tells, it will never contain everything about me, everything around me. I try to be simple. However, when things happen, I know I will become complicated. When a life gets complicated, it takes great effort to make it simple again.

Out of all my subjects, I think I'll be able to pass 2 or 3 of them. I hate this one particular subject and sir *screw his name*. He said and I quote,"Magbasa-basa lang kayo, papasa na kayo dito sa course na ito." F*ck! And he gives us sophomore type problems. What the hell do you want? Less students in the department? Pucha.... Exams are said to be the least technique to measure how much a person learned. He himself said it. I know I'm to blame for a least a part of my 'downhill ride' (notice the euphemism?) but SCREW him. I hate Math53 but I really like my prof. I think I still haven't adjusted to the degree of difficulty of college with my Math. Damn! I'm starting to hate it again. I really liked it in the latter part of my highschool but I now know that I can really SUCK big time in Algebra. Maybe it's because my sked is everyday "7am class" which my mind is always half-awake. Maybe it's because I now have bad luck, eh? Maybe I'm looking at other things too much aside from acads. Well, why am I so angry now? Because I will fail people who believed in me. I will lose my scholarship and will be a liability to those close to me. I don't really like to be dependent on people much. Damn....

What I hoped, what I would like to happen became smaller than just a glimmer. Well, maybe it's just really not for me. I sucked in that department anyway. I have accepted blame before and I can accept it again. My laziness can really be a pain in the ass. I can never be a perfect person. Damn, how cliche.... My lack of effort can be attributed to not being sure what is right and what is wrong. Another would be the fear of failure. I've felt it and I now think twice when I'm not so sure of myself. I may be a very cheerful person on the outside but as one goes deeper inside me, I can become more complicated. I hate myself for feeling fear. I hate myself for being so damn hopeful. What if I'm wrong? Then all I can do is nothing. Or maybe not? Maybe I can do something.... I now feel envious of the people who achieved what they want with, in my opinion, not their full strength/potential. With some people, they don't even need one fourth of their full efforts for things to automatically go their way. Damn them....

How lucky are the people who have achieved their dreams. I hope I can be even just a bit like them. I hope I can make my promise to myself that I will strive harder next year. I feel envious with the people who are happy now. I hope I can be just a bit like them. I never thought that my life could be in as much chaos and disarray as I think it is now. This would be my life now. I will have to live with it and continually hope to get the opppurtunity to " realize my 'dreams' ". I never thought I would be so emo like this and be up until 3am in the morning today. But what I saw were enough to make me lose it. Damn.... I hate this fucked week.

Nga pala, ang bulok ng Purefoods these past few games. Tapos, sa tingin ko ay ang bulok pa ng laro ni James Yap ngaun even though top conference scorer siya. Nasaan na yung MVP na nakita ko/ng mga tao nung last last All-Filipino Conference? Anu ba yan. Pati si James Yap nasasama ko sa galit ko. Basta, feeling ko na kaya pa ni James Yap na gumaling kaysa sa nilalaro nya ngaun. Go James Yap!

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Joke Time... Hehehe....

My social life is very good. I meet new people, but they're taken. Joke! Let me rephrase that. I meet new people. I make friends with them. I ask for their number.... Joke again! I only ask for their number when it is needed such as groupwork, etc. I meet new people. I hope I can meet and know more. Tada! I have friends! And now, I'm joining an org. Yun lang naman mga bago sa buhay ko. Hehe....

Yan. Mejo napapacify na yung anger ko. Damn, I'm so f*cked. Hay.... Nga pala, defensive mechanism ko yung pag-sigh. Effective yun sa aken e. Try nyo 'pag nahihirapan kayo. Masarap talaga manood ng Anime DVD's. Nalilimutan ko lahat ng problema ko. It is also a very effective relaxation for me. Nagsheshare lang....